“And we know that all things work together for the good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose” Romans 8:28
I’ve asked myself obvious questions many times since my beautiful wife’s passing (exactly 9 months today) – “Janine loved/loves God, how can anything good come out of this? How can anything good come from this unfair situation where three beautiful girls are left to live a life on earth without the best mom in the whole wide world? How can this be a part of God’s sovereign plan? Where are you in all this God?”. I have wrestled with God, shouted at Him, blamed Him. I have cried, screamed, pleaded, yet I have heard nothing. No rolling thunder, not even a whisper in the dead of the loneliest of nights. Will I ever know the answers to my questions while I am still breathing on earth?
While questions still remain, and the grief and despair still lingers, I have realized truths and miracles that I am eternally grateful for. Truths that make each new day worth looking forward to:
Gabby, Becky and Amy-Leigh are shining. In the face of such deep adversity, I have seen such remarkable bravery in them that I am certain is supernatural. I know this was instilled in them from an early age by a loving mom who loved and I know is still loving her Saviour. Janine my darling, your legacy lives on in your stunning girls. They are such a huge inspiration to me and so many others. Gabby is breathtaking on a horse, plays her ukulele so sweetly, and writes stories and poems that are far beyond her age. Becky is so soft and gentle and beautiful, and reads like you can’t believe. Amy-Leigh is so adorably cute, is amazing with a tennis racquet and will make some children double her age look like amateurs on a tennis court. They are such beautiful girls and all have an incredible capacity for love.
My loving father (with the support of my blessed and ever loving and faithful mommy), who came to know Jesus through Janine’s illness in April last year. His faith has grown in leaps and bounds ever since and he is now more of an encouragement to me than he will ever know.
My loving mom and dad Van Breda and my brothers and sisters and nephews and nieces who are all a bright light, a constant stream of encouragement and love.
The most awesome friends that anyone could ever hope for, who I can call on at anytime and who have and continue to support the girls and I.
My selfless au-pair who loves the girls as if they were her own and puts their needs above hers.
My girls school, for the love and consideration that it has shown towards us.
A community and a church that loved / loves Janine and still loves and surrounds us. They have been our spiritual food in a time of drought and dry bones. My Pastors that have given me guidance and valuable counsel through the good and not so good times.
The fantastic company that I work for, that has and will continue to support me through thick and thin.
The beautiful town that we live in, the one surrounded by forest that is presently crowned with the glorious colours of autumn and basks daily in crisp clear sunny blue autumn skies.
And so many more miracles!!!
So I might still and may always have many unanswered questions, and there may be some tough times ahead, but I am starting to see through the grey clouds into a ray of sunshine that is coming from heaven above, where my beautiful wife and her loving Saviour sit side by side.
I can just imagine you my darling, dancing and twirling and smiling down on us, praising God for all the good things He has done.
I love you and miss you.