How do I/we live without her?

A question that I have been asking myself and, even more importantly, the Lord since about 9pm on 07th September 2016.

In mid February 2016 (less than a year ago), my beautiful wife of 16 years and mommy to three beautiful princesses gradually lost the use of her right arm – no numbness, it literally just stopped working. We thought that it could be as a result of a pinched nerve in her neck, or her riding position on the bicycle (she had just started riding again after years off) or carpal tunnel. After three weeks of physiotherapy, no improvement. On to a sports physician in Nelspruit South Africa on 10th March, then a MRI scan the following Monday. Upon receipt of the MRI results, we sat in front of the Neuro Surgeon who was visibly concerned and not sure what to say. Placing one of the scans on the light thing (not sure what you call it), he showed us a picture of Janine’s brain and pointed out at least two distinct spots on the right hand side. METASTATIC CANCER he called it, probably originating from the breast (“WHAT, EXCUSE ME – YOU HAVE GOT TO BE JOKING!!!!!”. Did we hear correctly?). The following day, more tests; Blood tests, CT scan, mammogram and a biopsy taken from a lymph node under the right arm. Then the visit to the oncologist that afternoon (Tuesday 15th March, 2 days before Janine’s 40th birthday). After studying the CT scan, she said that there was a spot on the lung, which meant lung cancer which had metastasized to the brain. She said that my beautiful, fit, loving, non smoking and non drinking, God fearing wife had 6 months to 5 years. Total disbelief followed, and through prayer we broke every negative thing said. We really thought it was all a huge mistake and just a major spiritual attack. On 23rd March 2016 the results of the biopsy confirmed the metastatic lung cancer diagnosis made by the oncologist.

The months that followed were a blur. During that time, we frantically searched the Lord for answers – why us and where to next, which treatment, what to eat, which doctor……? Never once believing that life on earth would end for Janine. On 27th June 2016, Janine went into Nelspruit Mediclinic and after a ten and a half week battle in the hospital, my beautiful wife went to be with the Lord.

Since then, life has never been and will never be the same.

My hope and prayer is that, by sharing my thoughts through the “Undies Blogspot”, you and I will be encouraged and edified – “And they overcame him because of the blood of the Lamb, and because of the word of their testimony. And they did not love their soul until death” Revelation 12:11.

I dedicate this blog to the memory of my beautiful wife Janine and to our three beautiful girls. 

Bless you all.

One thought on “How do I/we live without her?

  1. Thank you for sharing this post. It really helps me to connect all the dots in the lead up to Janine’s death. It doesn’t soften the blow, but it makes me somehow feel included in the process that I had no knowledge of at the time. I can’t believe that she had such devastating news 2 days before her 40th birthday, which is supposed to be such a joyous and momentous occasion, and that she received the final diagnosis on my birthday! Please carry on writing – it is such good therapy and a record of all you are going through. God bless and keep strong!


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